Running Running Running, non stop..Random Thoughts of suicide, repeated thoughts of another-cide. Would it be irresponsible of me to just give up and walk away, leaving those that came to know me, lost and without answers. Or would it be more irresponsible of me to erase everyone else. Running Running Running, non stop...healths being affected now my job. I can no longer separate thee outside stressers from the inside stressers, they are now fused together. Running Running Running, non stop...I can now hear them talking for me and thinking for me, these sounds..these noises, these voices are taking over my life. They've done it twice before, both times convincing me to take thee easy way out. First time was with pills, those just caused me more physical pain and cause me to throw up blood..but i just locked myself in the bathroom and passed out on thee floor. The second time I was able to put up more of a fight, "them" and I battled over whether or not I should drink that bleach that was on thee shelf over thee washer and dryer. I went for a long walk instead. I was able to silence them up until about 2yrs ago, now they are even stronger than before. I put on a show, as to not alarm anybody, because when i finally lose this battle (which I'm positive I will) I don't want anybody there to stop me. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally drained..I can no longer pretend that I'm sane and that these demons don't still remain inside my brain. I don't wanna fight anymore, I've tried writing it out, sitting back and reviewing my life and trying to force myself to realize that my life isn't as bad as "them" make it seem. Alcohol helps me to relax, but I don't want to become and alcoholic. I've even gone so far as to consider other drugs, but my common sense won't allow it. What else can I do.. I don't wanna feel like this anymore.. Running Running Running, non stop...then pop...poof..no more.