She said, "when we were kids 'the guy' raped me"...response to her statement was a solid blank stare
She said, "I didn't know how to tell you, cause I was consumed by fear
Confusion was the next expression,
leaving both parties lost in question
Silence filled the room..
she could tell that what she said was being ripped apart like her youth from her at home
she continued by explaining how her own mother didn't believe her...
instead she chose to.. ignore, disown and beat her
feeling alone and betrayed by her own family
she fell into herself...
having men sexually raise HER self esteem
lost in the colorless haze
her children, by her, weren't raised
fighting an up hill battle
she pulled herself together, cause those problems SHE had to tackle
so let me bring you to the here and now
and tell you what I said to her some how
"I know on paper your just my half, but in my heart you are my whole
im so sorry, I wish I could have been there to help you through the devils turmoil"
after those words left my lips
those thoughts remained in disbeliefs grips
so through the files I had to look
hoping that what was found showed her words to be read from a book
put the photo's side by side....
silence...
my "niece" has my ears, nose, lips and eyes.....damn

You

When you hurt

i hurt

When you cry

I wipe my eyes

When life weighs you down

I feel the onslaught of pounds

When you laugh and smile

My cheeks hurt like i've been running for miles

The feeling you get from looking at creation

Is the feeling i get when i see you..overwhelming elation

If you were to leave this earth

I know for sure i'd do the opposite of birth

Flattery

why do you ask so much of me
Like knowing my life, is an impending emergency
i answer your Rolodex filled with questions
one after the other, you hit me with the next one
why pretend like your interested in my "entire"
when in reality your more interested in conquering the "empire"
i understand i shouldn't prejudge
but, come on, when your built like me and hear constant reference to your body
not letting your walls down is a must
there will always be those
that want to impose
try to pull the wool over my eyes
well guess what my hands can still feel through your disguise
book smarts aren't whats needed
its the street smarts my family supplied that keep me from emotionally bleeding
my shield isn't impenetrable
its only meant to be shattered by the person who breaks it with the key
not by a fuse lit by force followed by dynamite ready to explode
don't insult me
by trying to remove my clothes with mindless flattery

today

i often find myself.... always by myself...
wondering about life's simplistic days and complicated nights..
i sit on endless hills configuring faster was to the finish line...
i consider myself rather intelligent but ignorant to my own destiny...
finding myself swept up in "me" with sporadic views of others scenery..
too few time's do i relish on my own future..
i rather the season pass of others joy...
sulking in the black, smoke filled space of a mind..
reaching out for the partly cloudy but always settle for the rain..
every glimpse of a semi-smooth day..quickly fills my body with satisfaction..
yearning for change, practically crying out for it...but rarely taking action...
"not living up to your potential" has never been uttered by an outsider..
but forever echoes in my mind, along side the hurt and evil laughter...
the desire for happiness lurks in every thought..
i stand there destitute, like a toy-less tot...
one day...one day.. i tell myself..
but whats the point, if history is due to repeat itself...

Whose Fault...

Waking up everyday in a house of love lost..
wondering to myself why do the kids have to pay the cost..
first thought ambition gone
one that follows mudane welcome..
deceit, malice and sorrowful mournful cry's
of..why....why...
alcohol fueled arguments..
about lifes set in stone events...
passing judgement on others achievements..
allowing us to feel the hatred you have for us..
not our fault we weren't planned
we weren't an intended burden
never understood why this is allowed
why we live in a constant bullshit cloud
0-4-15..yes including the last two
planning on taking something out if not me then just you
lost attempts at reconciliation
but an embracing of horrendous contemplation
all to often, are thoughts of atheism
tryin to simplify "his" reasoning..
but i couldnt if opportunity was given
always wanting this feeling to subside
and when i think its happened i get depressed realizing
how often i failed when tried..

Whose fault is it

Contentment...

Never embracing change...
shying away from whats different and out of the norm..
Happy with as is..
Never rocking the boat..
Ambitious goal setting to alter lifes focus,
seldom crossed the path of whats for breakfast..
Day in and day out, a ground hogs day carbon copy..
Smiles from last week ..
thoughts of last years bliss..
Never making a fuss..
fine with this months taste of things past..
Setteling for the day time "person" t.v
utilizing them for self explaination..
Mentality of a machine programmed and set to internal joy's calendar...

Contentment

Aggravation

6:30am
Aggravation sets in..
one eye opens and its like the devil is holding my emotional strings..
I step foot into the shower
hot water on..a drop touches my skin and i feel empowered...
tooth paste to brush and i scrub til blood exposes its self...
face put on...hair pulled back..
Aggravation
foot to the gas pedal.. hands to the wheel..
pull out the garage engulfed by the feeling of sorrow, turmoil, dread, and agony..
first light to the last..
Aroused by the feeling of sight satisfaction when the red one shines in..
im about to lose my mind
with each passing tick tock of time..
every moment i sit..theres no allowance to just be..
something about the things needed is an immediate shout out to me..
bliss is a thought that soon is null and void..
im given a quick glimpse of the new
outside the window..but even that is snatched away..
when the realization of peer incompetence takes over the devils mind..
one, two, three, four...person after person that walks through those doors...
its a constant, relentless, non-stop Aggravation...
and seems like im the only one participating

Her tongue barely brushes up against my clit
and i could feel it whispering pulsate...pulsate...
My body tenses..my toes curl and my back begins to arch...
i can feel my lip plump so i lick them...enticing her, inviting her to do her will..
As she begins to tell my body whats in store
i snap back to realize she hadnt said a word..
my eyes roll back and my legs being to shake..
She looks up at me and asks "babe you okay"..
i open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out..
she asks again and nothing still...
i notice a slight lift in her top lip as she lets out a chuckle..
She goes in even faster and deeper..
i grab the back of her head and start to ride her face..
the sound of "us" fills the room..
she flips me over then grabs and pulls my hair..
she now allows her fingers to continue the story..
I push back into her..in and out.. in and out..
i allow my body to relax..i can feel it coming but i fight it...
the sensation takes over my body and now my mind..
As the overwhelming feeling of ecstasy overpowers..
i open up my mouth and release her name..shouting...."..."

emotions explaination

Love isnt about convenience
my love for you is because you know my thoughts before i think them
Love isnt about the surrounding everyday aesthetics
Its when you say im gorgeous in the morning and meant it
Love isnt about worry or stress that can consume my every thought..
Its about light hearted care free days that only someone that was made for me could have brought
Love isnt about the overwhelming feeling of dread..
Its about seeing a simple reference to your name that puts thoughts of pleasant things past in my head
Love isnt a nuisance, antagonistic, depressing, ignorant, egotistical or unappealing...
Its whimsical, joyous, sentamental, and more than just a word or a feeling
Love isnt something you say because you hear it often...
Its because the word "love" stirs up an appetite for the sight, taste, touch, feel and warm thought of this person whose soul has something

A feeling

so then let me sooth your mind and guide you into that rem state of sleep..
listen to thee words slipn through my moist lips as they creep into your ear
first sound you hear is the begining of thee word that awakens thee area of pleasure
as your music box opens and your dancer stands at attention
the second word you hear requires your draw bridge to lower
you become more and more relaxed with every letter
to every word that passes through my now plump wet mouth..
i begin to breath the third word into you as your breath escapes u faster and faster
noticing your body growing more and more relaxed
i whisper thee fourth and final word into your ear..
your body is now consumed with thee feeling of ...*sigh*..yes