today

i often find myself.... always by myself...
wondering about life's simplistic days and complicated nights..
i sit on endless hills configuring faster was to the finish line...
i consider myself rather intelligent but ignorant to my own destiny...
finding myself swept up in "me" with sporadic views of others scenery..
too few time's do i relish on my own future..
i rather the season pass of others joy...
sulking in the black, smoke filled space of a mind..
reaching out for the partly cloudy but always settle for the rain..
every glimpse of a semi-smooth day..quickly fills my body with satisfaction..
yearning for change, practically crying out for it...but rarely taking action...
"not living up to your potential" has never been uttered by an outsider..
but forever echoes in my mind, along side the hurt and evil laughter...
the desire for happiness lurks in every thought..
i stand there destitute, like a toy-less tot...
one day...one day.. i tell myself..
but whats the point, if history is due to repeat itself...