What To Do

Mental take down
can't fight it
over powered
continuously masking real emotion
put on a good face
to save face
truthful to those that matter
closed to those that don't
walls as high as the tallest building
refusal to show you the person i am
cant let you get too close
afraid you'll judge me
see a part of me
that i don't see
...paranoia???...
CAN anybody see
that I'm not being
the person i was put on this earth to be???
id rather be a slave to the economy
than to allow you visual and mental stimulation
exposure of my talents??
I'm my biggest critic, I judge myself so harshly
so i settle
fully aware that i could be one of the greats
but I'd rather deprive you of me
and leave this earth the way i came in it...alone

why me

Lost in a whirlwind of heartbreak and disappointment
Catapulted by someone or thing who thought i could handle it
Misery loves company but I'm always by myself
Intentionally isolating my negative from everyone else
The joy of birth, overshadowed by death
Not even during a celebration can we enjoy the gift
So sick of this life, but too intelligent to give up
You'd think after so much, we'd wise up
I quit, give up, I surrender
Don't want responsibility anymore,
so often said but always ignored
Amazed that no one can tell I'm reaching my limit
I talk a big game but I'm done i admit it
Maybe I'm not as strong as i think
I'm disappearing, into my own troubles i sink
I put my self last, spouse second, family first
putting an end to that line up, would make things worse
Seeing every relationship beginning and ending the same
They cant handle it and I'm alone again
I give so much and ask for so little in return
But where would i go to seek it, animosity caused bridges to burn
Never ahead or even caught up
Generation after the next, with no long term set ups
It was given to me to change these things
But that's something that i wish had skipped me
Haven't been given the opportunity to start my life
All my goals have been set aside
To make life comfortable for my "pride"